What to do when your campsite is being occupied by an XXL female lion

We are proud to present to you our guest star for this post - Mr. Karlis Vasarais. Karlis, Pauls, Eriks and I attended the infamous Latvian camp in Michigan, Garezers, together. Karlis was gracious enough to share with us, and now with you, a characteristically detailed email sent home to his family about our Serengeti adventure  - we gratefully plagiarize his work:

"we've arrived back in Masaka safe and sound after a long voyage to the Serengeti. i don't know where to start with our trip, but here it goes. we ended up leaving a day later so that Pauls could finish up some work. We left Kampala to Masaka Friday afternoon. It took us a bit longer than expected to pack up our stuff into the "Matatu"- our 20-30 year old asian modified safari vehicle. only pictures can explain the vehicle - with its top speed of 95km/h. On the way to Masaka we had an eventful drive. Our driver, George, is a well traveled and educated man. He lead several trips to Iraq for engineering projects from Uganda. He's also from the north - half his direct family was killed in the wars in the 80s. Early into our drive we were quickly stuck in traffic. About 20mins into the trip, some lady driving the car in front of us blinkered right, so we passed on the left. while she blinkered right, she proceeded to drive left, and met our front cow-bars (bars protecting the grill). Small accidents attract immediate spectators, mostly to the detriment of the party at fault. in more serious accidents, those at fault often suffer "mob justice", where the general public will beat the at-fault driver. particular, if the at-fault driver kills anyone, the at-fault driver will often also get killed. the mob quickly turned to our favour and was heckling the woman. after 10-15mins, things settled down and we headed out.
 
the next morning we headed to the border town of Matukula. what a process. First, the first gate has a guy standing at it who isn't a border guard. He's just a guy interested in who is going through the border and will provide services to help you get through the arduous process. He asked to see our passports, and Pauls said to refuse. Just a guy who was interested in talking with us and seeing passports. Once we got through the first, we get our exit stamps from Uganda. then George takes the car to get its export papers. then he takes it to get its import papers across in Tanzania. then we walk to the Tanzanian customs. They greet us in a very friendly manner and ask about our trip. eventually they get to processing the visas. Once George finally finishes up importing the car, and buying Tanzanian car insurance, we were off. About 45mins later, a rattle appeared in the truck. one of the two fan belts broke. We drove into the next town, Bukoba, and straight to the mechanics. Within minutes, we had 3-4 mechanics and another 5-10 spectators checking out our Matatu. Pauls and I went for a walk to find hot water so he could make coffee. We went into a hotel and asked for hot water. Because of language barriers, he didn't seem to understand. he consulted with the woman in the kitchen for a couple of minutes, then came back saying "no". we moved on. eventually we made it back to the station. the crowd was just as large. George had gone with a mechanic into town to the Indian guy who sells fan belts. in the mean time, Eriks pulled out his banjo and started playing. the locals poked fun and laughed - they'd never seen anyhthing like it. eventually George made it back, the car was fixed, and we were off. 
 
the roads were great, aside from way to many random gates in the road, speed bumps and rumble strips. The countryside was beautiful. We hugged the edge of Lake Victoria for much of the drive. The terrain was rocky and hilly. I find most amazing that for every 1 car we'd see travelling on the roads, we'd see at least 10x as many people walking or biking. Walking is the way of life here. Many many hours later we arrived in the city of Mwanza, the last city before the Serengeti. but to get into the city we had to take a ferry. The Mzungus (us) were harassed by a troup of 15 kids trying to sell us anything and everything. then when that failed, it was just straight begging. it was amusing, but kept us on edge for fear of theft. we had one young entrepreneur who offered us water. we said we'd prefer beers. he came back 10mins later with beers for us. good service!
 
We found decent accommodation for $5 each at a 4 star hotel and settled in. Many Indian businessmen were there with their 20 year old prostitute girlfriends. When eating, the power went out for 1mins before the generators kicked in. When the lights went back on there were many too many cockroaches on the ground. they scattered though once the lights went on and we continued to eat. 
 
early the next morning we set out for the Serengeti. We arrived at the park by 10am, registered and headed in. Within 10mins, we found a pair of lions sleeping at the side of the road. lions mate up to 100x per day during the season, so we decided to stick around to see if they would. time passed, and the beers got to our bladders. since the lions were asleep, we took the risk to step out of the car and relieve ourselves. my first serengeti experience involved me peeing 15ft from the lions in plain view of them. what a start!
 
we crossed the Serengeti to the Central point and basically saw everything in many many numbers except for more lions. we got to camp, unpacked and set up our tent. once completed, we headed out for a game drive. Again, far too many animals to count, given that it was the great migration. probably saw more than 30,000 zebras and wilderbeast in our first 10mins. lots of elephants, giraffes, hyenas, birds and impalas/antelopes etc.
 
after the game drive, we got back to the camp. now that it was dark, the camp took on a different perspective. there was nothing separating us from the wild. unpacking the car in the dark, I noticed some eyes staring at me about 30 feet away. we shined the light and it looked like a leopard. luckily it wasn't - it was a smaller cat, a "cerval cat". We headed to the kitchen, where all the local black guys were cooking for the guests. we were the only whites in the kitchen. they applauded us and were intrigued to see how we cooked. eventually the night settled down. as we went to bed around midnight, we could hear elephants about 100-200m away eating away at the trees. then, when all were asleep I woke up to a loud roar, distinctly that of a lion. my hear shot up to 200 beats a minute, and being the one closest to the end of the tent in the direction of the sound, I thought it was over for me. more roars ensued, and then the laughs of the hyenas. great. eventually I settled down and fell back asleep. we woke up several hours later. As soon as I got out of the tent, there stood a full sized giraffe 8 feet away eating some breakfast. he was towered over George's tent, preventing George from getting out. eventually the giraffe moved on and George was free. 
 
we headed out for many more game drives. many herds of elephants, zebras including both their young. the animals were within feet of our vehicles. in the great migration, we had a panoramic view of literally millions of animals. we drove into the migration and literally stopped the wilderbeast from running. they looked at us confused, and then started to run around both sides of the vehicles. after all that fun, we thought the evening was over. then pauls spotted a lion in full attack. she ran at the migration at full speed, then ducked into the grass right before it. crawling up, she eventually pounced on a zebra. the zebra managed to escape, but not until a lenghty pursuit. we also got to see many hippos, multiple leopards and a couple of crocs. lastly we saw phenomenal sunsets and several great thunderstorms.
 
on our last morning, I splurged and bought a hot air balloon ride for Pauls and I. we got into the air for sunrise. definitely the most peaceful way to travel. we ascended to 1000ft and would go as low at 4ft above ground. we clipped tree tops and got a great perspective. we could see the animal trails in the grasses. when we landed, we were served a champagne breakfast in the middle of the Serengeti. then they drove us to a large acatia tree under which they had set up a table for breakfast. delicious, and right in the middle of the Serengeti. we took full advantage of the unlimited champagne and the experience. in the mean time, Eriks and Linda toured from below, getting some amazing exposure to lions with their cubs, ostrich mating rituals and lions panting after finishing off a Zebra carcass.
 
when finished, we headed back to camp to pack up and move to a camp site close to the western edge of the park. since the migration was in the central, there was much less going on. when we arrived at our camp site, nobody was there to greet us, except that right at the camp site, sat a very large lioness. she wasn't interested in moving so we moved to a different site. the ranger eventually let us stay by the river in a hostel that wasn't in use. it was a concrete hut with outdoor cooking. it was also 25ft from the river, where a pack of 20-25 hippos were staying. they kept us on our feet all night with their laughs and splashes. luckily none of them exited the river via our campsite.
 
in the morning we headed out and started the long drive back. for some reason we were exceptionally popular with the police on the way home. since they don't have radar guns, they just decide to stop cars randomly. most would stop us just to chat with us, the Mzungus. One particular police officer went out of his way to welcome us to Tanzania and wanted to learn all our names and where we were from. pretty comical experience. another police officer wanted to know where George had put the fire extinguisher and the safety triangle (Which you lay on the road in case you break down). the equipment was packed deep in the truck. The police officer asked "what will you do when there is a fire?" we laughed and eventually moved on. another cop was chatting a bit too long and Pauls said in a smiling voice "will you be serving us dinner as well or can we leave now?" nothing happened, no tickets and we had fun. another humourous moment was when we were on the ferry on the way back. We were parked in the line of cars ready to go on the ferry. then a parking ticket women came over and ticketed all of us. apparently the ferry wait line is not for parking. Pauls told her she must hit the jackpot since cars line up here every hours 24 hours a day. she looked confused and gave us a 500 Tsh fine ($0.25). we happily paid."